One Raw Moment in the Life of a Missionary

I stopped and stared. 

Jabez’s desk was empty. 

My other students milled restlessly about the room, wondering aloud where their fellow student was. “I don’t know,” I admitted. The evening before, the principal had mentioned that Jabez might transfer to another school, but I’d never dreamed it would happen so soon. I sat down and tried to quiet my students, but for once they paid no attention. “Where is he?” “He’s not leaving, is he?” “Surely he won’t leave without saying goodbye!” I just shook my head helplessly and studied the empty desk. All of his notebooks had vanished, and his school-issued textbooks were stacked neatly on his chair. I wondered momentarily where the vocabulary book was that I borrowed from him every day during class time—there weren’t enough books for me to have a copy, so I counted on him to let me use his while I quizzed them on their review words. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I noted that his desk was also bare of the unique name card I had drawn for him, and knowing that he loved artistic things, I hoped he had taken it with him and would use it to remember me by. I sank down into the chair at my desk and looked down. There was the vocabulary book, placed so neatly on the middle of the desk. I opened the front cover and saw his full name printed inside, along with the same smiley faces he always drew on his homework for me. Moisture threatened in my eyes when I realized that in the midst of the flurry of packing and cleaning up his desk, he had remembered that my vocabulary class was the next class of the day and had left his book just where I would find it. 

I looked up to find one of my students crying quietly in the corner, and my heart began to break. How was it that a quiet boy like Jabez could have impacted all of us like this? How could a boy who smiles much but talks little have written so much on our hearts? My students were subdued; not once did I find it necessary to quiet them. 

After class, my husband met me at the door of the classroom and told me that Jabez was leaving in five minutes, and that anyone who wanted to see him off was to come to the dock. We went. I was not embarrassed to be seen crying, but I looked around at the others anyway—the whole campus had shown up to see him off, and I couldn’t help but noticed that my face was not the only one wet with tears. He hugged everyone—which was no small feat considering how many people had come to say goodbye—and after my turn had come and gone, I stood there silently, with the arm of the high school dorm mom around me. She spoke only Portuguese, and I only English, so we said nothing—but I had seen her crying the same way several months before when she had said a permanent goodbye to one several of “her boys” so I knew she understood how I felt about “my boy.” Words cannot express something like this anyway, and since we had none, we said none. 

My husband and I then followed Jabez to the end of the dock, where a speedboat was waiting for him and his parents. As he climbed in, the sudden realization hit me that I had no pictures of him. I toyed with the idea of taking one right then, but decided against it. I didn’t want my only picture to be one of him leaving. So I stood there silently again, this time with Danny’s arm around me, and watched the boat speed off over the Amazon’s choppy gray waters until they rounded a corner and the jungle hid them from view.

Emerging from the Dry Season

In Africa there are two seasons: the rainy season and the dry season.

In my life there are the same two seasons: the rainy and the dry.

It seems like there's never really an "in between" season. It's either dry and dusty and hot and filthy, or it's rainy and beautiful and wet and green.

I think every child of God experiences both of these seasons, for our Creator knows full well that both sun and rain are necessary for spiritual growth.

In 2016 I entered a dry season that was as unexpected as it was unwelcome. During that time, everything seemed empty and broken. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally - every part of me felt utterly feeble and worn out. My weaknesses were in full view - so where was God's perfecting power? Why was I stumbling so badly?

God had taken me down from the heights of my pride and selfishness and laziness, and had graciously ushered me into a low place, a valley, that was to be my home for the next 1-1/2 years.

And there, in that dry place, I learned.
I learned to say, "Thy will be done."
I learned to pray, "Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to Your name give glory."
I learned to cry out, "May those who fear You see me and be glad, because I wait for Your word."
I learned that God wounds so that He might heal.
I learned that His mercies are new every morning.
I learned that "when my anxious thoughts multiply within me, [His] consolations delight my soul."
I learned that even though my heart and my flesh fail all too often, "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
I learned that when my heart was heavy, I could find relief in His presence.
I learned that in quietness and trust was my strength.

I learned to open my arms and embrace the dryness and grittiness of the season. I even learned to thank God for the valley. And gradually I got comfortable in that place and began to put down some roots there, thinking it'd be awhile before I left. But it wasn't. Because God had another lesson to teach me: the dry season doesn't last forever.

Given enough time, human beings can get used to just about anything - including the dry season. So when I began to sense that God was leading me out of the valley, I balked. Why? Because even the rainy season has its dangers. In Africa, the rainy season brings new growth and beauty to the land - but it also marks the rise of malaria, because the mosquitoes that carry the disease thrive in the dampness and heat. In the rainy season that was approaching me, the danger lay in my own apathy, my tendency to be content with a lukewarm relationship with Jesus.

The dry season had ensured that I was always uncomfortable enough to need Him. "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician," Jesus said, "but those who are sick." In the dry season, I had an acute awareness of my own sickness and sinfulness. I was afraid that in the rainy season, I might trick myself into thinking that I was healthy and had no need for the Savior who had given up so much for me.

My heart said, It's better to stay where it's familiar, rather than venture out into new territory. Jesus said, "Deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow Me."

God used the words of Katie Davis Majors (who wrote about her own experiences with the dry/rainy seasons) to encourage my stubborn heart to rejoice in the new season:

I feel a nervousness, maybe even a fear, in stepping into a season like the one I sense He is promising me. I have grown used to the dry season. I have known Jesus here in this long, hard place, and rainy season now seems foreign. But I can feel Him assuring me that He will be known here too . . . . It was time to come out of the hidden place and sing and embrace all that He was giving, the blessing He was pouring out. And He knew that my voice might come out crackly and tired at first, out of practice. But He would hear beauty in my song of praise in this new and glorious season. 

(Katie Davis Majors, Daring to Hope.)

So here I am, already a few steps into a new year, a new season.
What is my purpose in this new place of quiet rest?
I wasn't sure until a few days ago, when suddenly I realized that the dry season can be likened to a battle while the rainy season can be compared to the time of peace that follows. For a moment - just a moment! - I have stepped out of the heat of the battle and have been pulled behind the lines so that I can rest and train and learn all over again how to handle the weapons God has given me. And then back into the heat of the battle I will go.

If you are in the midst of a dry season, take courage! The night is long, but the dawn is coming. Rejoice, though you are weary, for God is your strength and your portion.

And if you have entered the rainy season, use your time wisely! Draw near to God and allow Him to refresh you. The battle is waiting, and you must be ready.

Choosing the Storm

{Written earlier this summer}

Right now, even as I type, a storm is raging around me. The wind is howling, the rain is pelting against the windows, and branches are flying through the air. The house shudders. Thunder rumbles. The slim, three-year-old oak tree that is planted by our circle drive thrashes its leafy head in the wind. The field next to us looks white as rain whirls across it like snow. Far, far away, the lights on a cell tower blink feebly through the storm. The sound of the rain is a constant roar in my ears.

If I had no shelter against this terrifying rage, I would be scared to death.

If I didn’t know the great Commander of the storm, I would be trembling just like the baby oak tree outside.

“Are the guys terrified-ed?” my little brother asks. “The guys on the boat? Are they terrified-ed?” Mom has just been telling him the story of the disciples on the Sea of Galilee, and he wonders if this storm was anything like the storm the disciples experienced while sailing on a boat with Jesus.

Suddenly I realize that the fear that welled up in the disciples on that dark, stormy night was very understandable—except that they, too, knew the great Commander of the storm. They, too, had a shelter. The Man who lay sleeping in the boat—He was their shelter. He was the Commander of the storm. They cried out to Him and He came to their aid. First He rebuked them—“Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?”—and then He rebuked the storm. The storm obeyed Him and the disciples responded in absolute awe.

Storms aren’t all bad, are they? They give us the chance to see God’s power. They give us a chance to stand in awe of Him. They rock our worlds until we have nowhere to go except straight into the arms of God Himself.

Humbled, shaken, bowed down, wind-tossed, helpless—in this world, we will be all of those things. And in a world where God is sovereign—in a world where God commands the storm—those are all good things to be. All who have chosen to take up their cross will experience suffering and anguish. They will go through storms and trials that are specifically and graciously designated by God as a means to bring glory to Him.

Think of the verses in Matthew 8 that come directly before the account of the terrifying storm at sea. Jesus warns a wanna-be disciple that even though “foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests…the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head” (Matthew 8:20). Foxes and birds are earthly creatures, so of course they have holes and nests on this earth for their resting places. But the earth is not Jesus’ dwelling place—and the same is true for all of His followers. The earth is not my dwelling place. And if you are a Jesus-follower, then the earth is not your dwelling place either. It is a temporary abiding place where He sanctifies us through storms and trials so that one day we will be like Him.

Now think again of the wanna-be disciple in Matthew 8. Where would his next steps have taken him if he would have followed Jesus?

A storm.
An uncomfortable boat.
The foamy, violent Sea of Galilee.

Foxes have holes. Birds have nests. And the Son of Man laid His head on a storm-tossed boat.

What a lesson for those of us who want to follow Jesus! Are you willing to lay your head down in the midst of the storm and rest beside your Savior until He chooses to rebuke the waves? Are you willing to embark on a journey that is sure to lead you into the midst of the raging seas? Are you willing to suffer? Am I?

Let me tell you that it is in the midst of that crazy, terrifying boat ride that you will see Jesus as He is: powerful, sovereign, faithful, perfect, and beautiful. A provider and a commander. A healer and a leader. A friend.

It costs much to become a follower of Jesus.

But when Jesus Himself is our reward, how could we choose any other way?

So I choose the cross. I choose the storm. I choose Jesus.

When the Fog Rolls In

(Written Friday, June 23, 2017)

I am sitting here on the porch of a cabin in Colorado, drinking in the scenery (and my coffee, of course) and thinking of how God often uses His creation to teach His children important truths about Him.

Today I am noticing the fog that is creeping down the mountains. It is weaving softly, almost imperceptibly, through hills and valleys, shrouding pine trees and cabins in its soft white blanket. It is only the fog that I can see now - no longer can my eyes rest on the splendor of the mountains...

And yet, even though I can't see the mountains, I am still convinced that they are exactly where they were before the fog descended.

Why?

Because I have seen them when there was no fog.
Because I was scrambling all over them yesterday on a hike with my family.
Because my body can still feel the effects of the climbing I did.

Do I have even the slightest doubt that the mountains are there?

No. Even though at this very moment the fog is thickening and deepening, I have no doubts whatsoever.

What about God? When storms roll in and I can't see my way clearly anymore, do I doubt God's existence? If fog is all I can see, doesn't that mean that He isn't there anymore?

No.

With Moses, the man of God, I can confidently say, "Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were born or You gave birth to the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God" (Psalm 90:1-2, emphasis mine.)

Amen and amen!

God is my dwelling place, even when the fog rolls in and I can't see clearly. He is the rock upon which I stand. I rest beneath the shelter of His wings - even when those wings are shrouded by fog and invisible to my fallible human eye. I have experienced Him in a way that cannot be refuted by logic or argument or even emotion. So even when the events of my life become foggy and confusing, I have the past to dwell on. The blessings from of old (found in both my life and the lives of the Old/New Testament saints) become my reference point.

If I am so sure that the mountains exist beyond the fog, how can I think anything different about God, who created the mountains?! Even before the earth was made by Him, He was God! He is everlasting! He is unchanging - the same yesterday, today, and forever! If He was there before the fog rolled in, we can be sure that He will still be there when the mists of confusion finally rise.

The more I avail myself upon Him and upon His promise of changelessness, the more confident of His continuous presence I will be.

Food for Thought

Throughout the past few months, the Lord has been bringing various thoughts, verses, and songs to my mind that have comforted and convicted me, so I thought I would share some of them with you.

Here are a few samples from my journal:

Where does my security lie? In my love for God, or in His love for me?

---

I wonder if the reason that some people do not believe in the security of salvation is because they do not believe that God created the world. 
If they do not trust in God's ability to create the world and then sustain it, why would they trust in the Spirit's ability to initiate a relationship and sustain that?

---

This is my purpose in life:
"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." (1 Peter 2:9)
I also love how that verse says that we are God's possession -- God does not NEED us, but He chose us anyway. I love that about Him! For my part, I want to find my worth + identity in being His chosen possession!

---

"From the end of the earth I call to
   You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher
   than I...
Let me take refuge in the shelter of
   Your wings."
-Psalm 61:2,4
..............
O safe to the Rock that is higher than I, 
My soul in its conflicts and sorrows would fly;
So sinful, so weary -- Thine, Thine would I be;
Thou blest Rock of Ages, I'm hiding in Thee.

In the calm of the noontide, in sorrow's lone hour,
In times when temptation casts o'er me it's power;
In the tempest of life, on its wide, heaving sea,
Thou blest Rock of Ages, I'm hiding in Thee. 

How oft in the conflict, when pressed by the foe,
I have fled to my Refuge and breathed out my woe;
How often, when trials like sea billows roll,
Have I hidden in Thee, O Thou Rock of my soul.
..............
Be still my soul: the wind and waves still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Contentment + Yearning

As believers living in a sinful world, we must learn two things: proper contentment and proper yearning. These two ideas—contentment and yearning—seem to disagree with each other. How can one be content with his lot in life while he is yearning for something more? Yet this is what we must do!

Our yearning must be for God alone. Jesus longed to be reunited with His Father, for the earth was not His home. What is my desire? Do I yearn to enter the presence of my Savior? Are my thoughts centered around the eternity that I will spend with the Father? One day I will enter His presence and see the glory of the Godhead—but until then, what shall I do? Shall I while away the remaining hours by gazing out my window and wondering why God is taking so long to call me into His presence? Absolutely not! 

That is where contentment comes in. Jesus prayed, “I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one” (John 17:15). No, the world is not my home! But it is where God has placed me for the time being so that I can bring honor and glory to Him. I must be content to live the life of holiness He has called me to until He chooses to take me to my eternal home. So then, I must learn to yearn for God’s presence, but to find contentment in knowing and serving God in this world.

What is it to You?

After Jesus had risen from the grave, He appeared to Peter, John, and five other disciples at the Sea of Galilee, and there He had a very important conversation with Peter. Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him, and Peter said yes. Jesus explained that Peter's willingness to love and follow Him would eventually cost him his life, and then He said two words that can make even the most courageous person tremble: "Follow Me." Peter looked over at John, another disciple, and asked Jesus, "What about him?"

Jesus' response was simple: "If I want him [John] to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!" (John 21:22, emphasis mine).

Those eight words -- "What is that to you? You follow Me" -- have been ringing in my ears and echoing in my heart ever since I read them a week ago. Is there a believer in the world who does not need this message? We are so easily distracted by the people around us. We compare ourselves, we judge others in self-righteousness, we puff ourselves up -- and yet, what is all that to us? 

Those eight words -- "What is that to you? You follow Me" -- sum up the cost of discipleship. Like Jesus, we are to keep our eyes on the joy set before us. We are to love others as He loved. We are to be servants, even if our obedience costs us our lives. It is a difficult task, to be sure, but our Savior, our Redeemer, our Creator has already won the victory over sin and death! We can go forward with the knowledge that He will supply us with the grace we need to complete the tasks He has set out for us. 

Throughout the past week, I have heard the still, small voice speaking John 21:22 to my heart. When my feathers get ruffled at a rude, thoughtless remark--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"

When I am tempted to stumble at the actions of another believer--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"

When I experience hurt at the hands of a friend or foe--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"

When I am afraid or flustered about a future event--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"

When voices grate on me and actions irritate me--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?" 

When I experience trials or undergo bouts of "spiritual dryness"--
"What is it to you?"

Before all else, I must concern myself with this alone: "YOU follow Me."

Pruning: "Though He Slay Me, Yet I Will Trust Him"

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit... Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned."  -John 15:1-2,4-6

One thing that makes it difficult for nonbelievers to acknowledge their need for a Savior is found within this passage of John: dependence. We are nothing apart from Christ—believers and nonbelievers alike! We cannot bring forth the fruits of righteousness that God desires if we are not rooted and grounded in the Son. Salvation is all about our dependence upon God. There is nothing we can do that will earn us the right to enter into His presence. Our efforts to please God are feeble at best. We are completely dependent on His outstretched love and mercy, and unless we humbly recognize our desperate need, we will be sentenced to an eternity of separation from God. 

However, since I have already accepted the blood of Christ as the atonement for my sin, does Jesus’ lesson have anything to do with me? Absolutely! The Father is the vinedresser who cuts away the dead branches (nonbelievers)—but He is also the vinedresser who prunes the good branches in order to prepare the way for more abundant fruit! Does a plant protest against the pruning of its gardener? No, of course not. Neither should I grouse and grumble when I undergo the pain that pruning brings. 

What happens to the pieces that are pruned from me? They die, because they are no longer connected to the life-giving vine. Am I willing to give myself completely into the hands of God so that He can take and slay the pieces of me—my desires, my hopes, my plans, my purposes—that are hindering my growth in Him? May my answer be a quiet, trusting “Yes, Lord—not my will, but Thine”!

God's Sanctuary

When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works. (Psalm 73:21-28)

At the beginning of Psalm 73, the psalmist says about himself, "My feet came close to stumbling, my steps had almost slipped." Why? "For I was envious of the arrogant as I saw the prosperity of the wicked." He had an unrighteous anger against the wicked and, it seems, began to to desire what they had even as he protested against it!

He became bitter and confused -- "senseless and ignorant," "like a beast" before God. That is what bitterness does...it blinds and deceives us until we are as beasts -- ugly, stupid animals who have not the presence of mind to come before God.

But nevertheless! Nevertheless -- in spite of the psalmist's own senselessness and pride -- God had his right hand firmly in His grip. "Nevertheless I am continually with You," he writes.

This brings to my mind a picture of a busy parking lot, in which my father and my three-year-old self are walking. He holds my hand. I see other three-year-olds skipping ahead of their fathers and mothers, unrestrained, and no harm seems to come to them. In anger and embarrassment and pride, I twist and squirm in a weak attempt to break loose from my father's warm grip. He doesn't let go. I cross my arms (as best as I can while holding his hand), scowl, and stomp my foot. Bitterness begins to take root. When my heart become upset, my actions were senseless and ignorant in my father's eyes -- and, years later, in my own when I understood the danger of a child running free in a busy parking lot. But in spite of my unruly resistance, my father did not push me away from him; he brought me closer. He took hold of my hand and made sure that I was continually with him, because he loved me.

"With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory." 

How necessary is the Lord's counsel to His children! And how undeserved is His goodness and mercy, that He would receive me, His oft-confused and bitter child, and say, "I will keep you safe; you will walk beside Me; I will be your guide -- only receive My counsel! And I will receive you to glory! See, all these things I will do for My child whom I love."

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail" -- and oh, how often they have already! -- "but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Hallelujah!

But here a question must be asked. The psalmist was "envious of the arrogant" and "his heart was embittered" until he was "senseless and ignorant". How then did he arrive at "I desire nothing on earth besides You"?

I believe that the answer can be found in verses 16 and 17, and 27 and 28. "When I pondered to understand this [the prosperity of the wicked], it was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God; then I perceived their end... For behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works." 

The sanctuary of God -- the nearness of God.

How shall we grow in love if we try to live apart from our God? How shall I learn to "trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding" if I am not growing in His wisdom and understanding? How can we separate the clamor of the world from the still small voice of the Holy Spirit when we are not drawing near to Him?

God does His part perfectly -- holding us in His strong hand, remaining continually with us, disciplining us when we stray -- but we too have a part. We must come into His sanctuary; we must embrace His nearness as our good; we must make Him, and Him alone, our refuge.

Why?

Here is at least one reason: "That I may tell of all Your works."

We try to make salvation and our walk with the Lord all about us, but this should not be! May GOD be glorified through our union! May GOD'S great works be praised, and none of mine! Let us come into God's presence -- His sanctuary! -- desiring to lift Him up and make Him our only focus! May we run the race before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, throwing aside the world and opening our arms to Him alone!

The Danger of the Crutch

You know, in the past few months, I have been convicted over and over again how much I need Jesus. I have begun to wonder how on earth people get along without Him.

Some people say, "Oh, religion is just a crutch. Christianity is just a crutch. JESUS is just a crutch."

If anyone ever says this to me again, I think I'll ask them this question: "So, what IS a crutch anyway?"

A crutch is a tool that is separate from our bodies. We use it when we are hurting and can't walk by ourselves. We use it for a period of time -- sometimes a month or two, sometimes longer -- and then when we have "graduated" to walking by ourselves, we put the crutch away in a dark, dusty closet corner and forget that it ever existed...unless, of course, the day comes when we need it again. But we would rather leave it in that dark corner if at all possible.

Is Christianity a crutch for you? Is it something that is not usually part of your lifestyle unless there is no other option? Is it something that you pull out of a dark corner, dust off, and use for a short period of time until you can "safely" put it back away out of sight?

Is Jesus a crutch for you? Do you use Him only when it is to your advantage (i.e., on Sunday morning when you are supposed to look like a Christian)? Do you pull Him out only when you're hurting and need some Divine help for a little while until you're back on your own two feet? Are you working towards a day when you will finally "graduate" from needing Him? Is He something you are ashamed of, something that you want to hide because He shows your weaknesses? Is He something that is in your way, that you can't wait to be rid of?

If Jesus Christ is your crutch, my dear friend, then perhaps you do not know Him. Perhaps He is not really "yours." Perhaps (do I dare even say it?) you don't understand the message of salvation.

When you say that you are saved, what are you believing you are saved from? Hell? To most people, that is what salvation means..."If I pray and ask Jesus to come into my heart, then I won't go to hell. I'm saved from pain and death."

It is true that Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God, bore the wrath of His Father on the cross and took the punishment of every believer on Himself -- and that one of the results of His sacrifice is that we will not have to spend eternity in hell, separated from God. Yes, what a beautiful, terrifying truth!

But your motivation is misplaced if you come to Jesus asking only for salvation from pain and death, and if you are under no conviction of the terrible sins you've committed against God, the very sins that sent Jesus Christ to the cross!

For you [believers] have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. (1 Peter 2:21-24)

Jesus went through the agony of the cross for a bigger purpose than most of us realize: to bring glory to His Father! Jesus Himself said, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work." Accomplishing God's work is what brought Him strength; obedience to His Father's will is the very reason He came to earth to die! Yes, He loves us! But He didn't die just to save us, He died because He loved His Father.

And?

And He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, SO THAT we might die to sin and live to righteousness!

Enough with the crutch! Enough with the dark, dusty closet! Enough!

Jesus died to glorify God; we are saved to glorify God!

What a tremendous work He has done! He has redeemed the Believer's life! He has justified them, called them out of darkness, given them a reason to hope and a purpose to live! Jesus Christ is our substitute -- He has ransomed us with His own blood! What a precious gift!

When God offered this gift to me and I accepted it, what did I receive? A crutch?! No! I received new life in Christ -- behold, I am a new creature!

When I finally understood that I needed Christ, did He become a temporary sacrifice for me until I could pull up my bootstraps enough to walk on alone? No, never! Nothing I am now or ever will be in the future has anything to do with what I have done (or will do!), but what Christ has done in and through me! "Walk on alone"?! What pride, what arrogance must blind my heart whenever I dare to think such a thing!

I have been justified! Not only has God "wiped the slate clean" of all my past deeds and thoughts, of all of my works that were as filthy rags, but He has written a new story on it! Christ's story! Justified: "Just as if I'd never sinned and just as if I'd always obeyed." Christ took on my sin and gave me His righteousness, as though I had always lived just as He Himself lived!

He [God] made Him [Jesus] who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

In Christ, we are a new creation. In Christ, we have His righteousness, and this is how God sees us. In Christ, we have forgiveness of sins. In Christ, we have a purpose: to glorify the God who chose us before the foundation of the world that we might be holy and blameless before Him.

A crutch, brothers and sisters?

No. A Lover, a King, a High Priest, a Sacrifice, a Creator, a Saviour. A new lifestyle, my friends!

Why the Boy Threw the Clock Out the Window

Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?

So he could see time fly!

Well, my friends, I do not have to throw my clock out the window to see time fly...it is already flying by far too fast as it is. I was astonished this morning when I realized that it has been six whole months since I first set foot in Zambia, Africa on a one-month-long missions trip.

Six months.

Sometimes it seems like six years, and other times it seems like yesterday.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about this strange, special place that has so occupied my mind, and the wonderful, beautiful people who have so occupied my very heart.

The day I arrived home, my thoughts were so full of Africa that I could not sleep without dreaming Zambia, could not speak without telling about Zambia, could not eat without recalling the Zambian food that had sustained me for a whole month, could not think without remembering Zambia, could not even walk down the street without seeing something that brought back memories of Zambia like a flash. Every taste, every sight, every smell, every sound startled me, either because of its similarity to my beautiful Zambia or because of its stark opposition.

I welcomed the memories. I held on to the dreams.

I thought, "Soon the day will come when you won't think about Zambia every waking hour, so enjoy it while you can." Well, "that day" still hasn't arrived. I still think of Zambia every day, although thankfully with a little less intensity than in the beginning.

When I was preparing to go to Zambia, so completely unaware of what my future held there, I thought, "When a place really grabs ahold of someone's heart, sometimes after they return they'll sob uncontrollably into their pillows at night because of their longing to be back in that special place. I wonder if I'll be like that."

You'd think. At least, you would if you knew how emotional I can be.

I was wrong. After I returned, I would clutch at my pillow, wishing I could tear it to shreds or punch it or throw it through the window, because I couldn't cry even when I tried to make myself. I wondered why. I still do. Only now I know, as I could not have guessed before I went to Zambia, that my desire to cry, the steady ache in my heart, the overwhelming parade of thoughts that came every single day and night...now I know that these did not come because of the beautiful, special place I was in. I was not longing for the scrubby trees or the red dirt or even the vast display of stars that shone overhead each night.

I was longing for the people.

In Zambia, a very wise person told me this: "It's not the places you go, it's the people you're with."

I can't think of a single thing in that statement that I could possibly argue with in this case.

Sure, I miss the scenery. Sure, I miss the beautiful stars. Okay, and sure, I even miss the pet cat that sat outside of my cabin door and squalled at me. I could cry for those things. (Well, maybe not for the cat...)

It is the relationships, the new friends, the new family that God gave to me. Somehow I had never realized that after meeting all of these people, after blessing them and being so blessed in return, that a day would come when I would have to say goodbye.

It is the prayers, the tears, and the laughter that tug at my heartstrings. It is the spiritual conversations, the lively debates, the beautiful fellowship, the singing and dancing that make me so happy, and yet so full of longing. It is the joy I saw written on so many faces, the chorus of "Amen, and praise the Lord!" that spilled from their lips, the eagerness of young men and women to share the gospel that both inspires me and causes me to miss these people very deeply.

I was so convicted, so challenged, so broken by God there. I was uplifted and renewed. I was changed. I was taught a great many things that, without this trip to Zambia, would have likely taken years to learn in some other not-so-challenge-ridden environment.

I am so blessed.

The pain of being separated from the Africans and the American missionaries I met there is bittersweet, my friends. Bittersweet. There is pain, yes. There are moments of "I-wish-I-could-just-let-it-all-out," yes. But in the midst of those moments, there is yet a Hallelujah chorus playing in my ears.

Without my Lord and Savior, my life would only have the bitter and none of the sweet. Without bitter, there is no sweet. My life is richer having spent one month serving in Africa -- if only I could explain to you how much richer! And my life after serving in Africa has been richer and fuller than I would have thought possible the day I stepped back into the United States of America. Since I have returned, God has presented to me opportunities to make His name -- and His glorious salvation! -- known to others, opportunities that I can clearly see that He prepared ME for while I was in Zambia.

Even as I think of my dear brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who are in Africa and am filled with the desire to return there someday, I know full well that I am blessed in my pain. To be filled with such good memories -- so good that my heart still aches when I think of them -- is a blessing indeed.

Many of the Psalmists who begin their songs with lamentation and cries to the Lord for help will often conclude with a praise to the Lord. From their sorrow and anger they will do an about-face, sometimes so abruptly that it is almost startling, and begin to bless the Lord for His lovingkindness and faithfulness in the midst of their hurting.

As I close here, I want you to know that I am doing the same in my heart. I began with a measure of confusion and frustration, but it is with gladness that I think of what God has done through my trip to Africa and what He is doing still.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Praise the Lord!

Falling in Love

Once upon a time, there was a young girl. She was too young to know what love was.

Once upon a time, there was a also a man. He knew what love was, and when he saw that young woman, love is what he had for her.

At first the girl was too young to think of him as a love interest. But as she grew older, she heard his name mentioned more and more often. Her parents spoke of him with loving smiles, and her friends with shining eyes. This man was kind and unselfish, continually sacrificing his own desires so that he could serve others. What was not to like?

Finally the girl admitted it. She was interested in him. He sounded quite...extraordinary. But of course he would never notice her. It was impossible!

But he did notice her. He prompted her parents to ask her if she would consider getting to know him better.

With joy, the girl listened attentively to the offer. She spoke with her parents late into the night. They talked of how this decision would affect her life; how getting to know this man would have its difficult and rewarding moments; how she would have to either accept or deny his proposal.

She decided excitedly that she was willing, even eager, to get to know him. With tears in her eyes, she said, "I accept..."

Her life was never the same after that.

She fairly floated up the stairs to bed that night, shivers of excitement coursing up and down her arms.

As you may have already guessed, this girl was me.

The man?

Jesus Christ my Lord.

He saw my sin and my mess and, unfathomably, loved me in spite of it. I accepted His prompting and acknowledged Him as my Lord and Savior...the only One who could save me from my sin. Just as my parents told me, my life was forever changed. I've had very challenging times in my walk with Him, as well as incredibly fulfilling ones. He has never failed me yet.

But I think perhaps this aforementioned young woman still doesn't know as much about love as one would think. So a short while later, as she was wondering what on earth it would be like to have a husband and to be in love, she got out a notebook and wrote down some things:

When I am in love...

I will want...

-to be with my man all the time, day or night;
-to talk to him about anything, exciting and mundane alike;
-to serve him;
-to show him how much I love him by doing nice things for him;
-to work beside him, play beside him, laugh and cry beside him;
-to give him good gifts;
-to simply watch him and learn about him. There will never be an end to the things I will find out about him;
-to do his will--whatever he asks--with a cheerful smile;
-to find out what he thinks about certain things;
-to read our texts and emails over and over again;
-to go out of my way to do things that please him;
-to treasure his gifts to me, and not allow them to get ruined by someone else;
-to tell others about how amazing he is.

I will...

-think back to the time when I didn't know him and wonder how I survived;
-feel warmth and a sense of pride when I hear someone praise him, as though they were praising me;
-draw comfort and courage from him when he is with me.

When he goes away I will long for his safe return, for the time when we will be together again.

I want to KNOW him inside and out.

 When the list was halfway completed, tears began to spill out of this young woman's eyes as she realized suddenly that the way she desired to love her husband was the same way she wanted to love her Savior. What would it be like to long to speak with God, to pore over His word the way one would pore over a love letter, to treasure His gifts, to continually serve Him with cheerfulness?

That's the way a girl should be in love with her God.

That's the way I want to be in love with my God.

Annual Hide-Everything-In-The-Closet Day

November 23, 2015. For some people, this date signified "it's-only-three-days-before-Thanksgiving" day.

November 23, 2015, for others, signified Labor Thanksgiving Day. If you're Japanese, that is.

You know what November 23, 2015 was for me?

My annual Hide-Everything-In-The-Closet Day.

In other words, time for me to clean up my room. Now, as Mary Poppins would say, in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. For me, the element of fun I find in cleaning my room is when I write blog posts in my head. Very educational, I assure you. Even more educational than snapping my fingers and letting the bed make itself. (I've tried that, by the way. Doesn't work.)

I don't know if any of you have this problem, but often when there is a mess in my room (papers all over my desk, books piled at the foot of my bed, laundry scattered across the floor, and earrings and bobby-pins on my nightstand) for an extended period of time, I soon learn to ignore it. I work around it. After a while, I don't even see the piles of junk and laundry anymore. Yes, it hurts when I trip over an object that has blended into my carpet (and kind of looks like my old pair of rollerblades from two years ago), but I ignore the pain and keep going. Admirable of me, I know. I'm quite proficient at overcoming the obstacles dusty rollerblades in my path.

However, in spite of my blindness to my messy room, my eyes can be opened...especially when a friend stops by and wants to talk in my room. Oops. Excuse the mess. Here's a shovel; you can help me dig a path to my chair so we can sit down and have a chat. Want coffee? There's some in my room from two months ago, if you'd like.

Okay, so that's a huge exaggeration. But still! Once a minor problem, like books all over your bed, has been in your life long enough, you learn to "un-see" it.

On November 23, 2015, after I was finished with my room, I looked around and dusted off my hands with a satisfied sigh. All finished.

I was surprised when I came back upstairs later that night to find, right smack in the middle of my floor, a pair of old rollerskates that I sometimes used for decoration. How had they gotten there? I was shocked when I remembered that, several weeks before, I had decided to put the skates away for the winter since they seemed like too summery of a decoration. I had set them in the middle of the floor to "put away later"...and lo and behold, I'd forgotten all about them. But they were right in the middle of the floor! I stepped on them every night on my way to bed, and yet I'd never thought to put them away!

As I scooped up the skates and put them away (in my closet!), I thought of several other areas in my life that often get messy and neglected. The junk that infiltrates these areas is ignored until at last I can no longer clearly see the damage that is being done.

These areas are my emotions, my heart, and my mind.

When I hear nasty words and I don't immediately root them out, they stay in my head and repeat themselves over and over. When I allow unhealthy emotions in, they wreak havoc with my thoughts. When I let the desires of my heart be consumed with this world, and my heart is no longer focused purely and wholly on Jesus Christ my Savior, I become selfish and hateful. When I care about what people think of me more than I care about what God thinks, I get caught up in jealousy, pride, vanity, and covetousness.

A great passage about seeking Christ instead of this world is Colossians 3. "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil, desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry." (Colossians 3:1-5)

How much better is our life in Christ than the old one we used to have! But, with our sinful nature being what it is, how can there be victory over evil desires unless those desires are rooted out? And how can our sin be rooted out until we stop ignoring it?! Sin must be dealt with. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with God when we make light of our sin and try to brush it under the rug.

You know what? It sure is a lot easier to keep up with your room if you just take care of the mess right away, without letting it escalate into a junkyard. Same with sin. When you meet it head-on and nip it in the bud (as Barney Fife would say), it becomes far less time consuming than a junkyard-level sin mess. Sin is addicting. It seems easy to just let it slide in the beginning. But that sliding turns into an avalanche, and before you know it, you're trapped!!

Instead of dwelling on the impurity and the lust and the vanity that is so rampant in this world, focus on a Bible verse that directs you back to Jesus! Have a person in mind to pray for every time you are confronted by sin. Run from it, don't stay and think, "It'll be okay. It's not really that bad."

Harmless snowflakes turn into snowballs, and snowballs turn into raging, destructive avalanches!!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus!
Look full in his wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glorious grace.

On Ketchup and Gay Rights

Some people ask the question, “Are people born gay? Or is it a choice?”

Many Christians would reply, “Well, of course they weren’t born that way! They made the choice to become gay.”

But when faced with the question, “How do you know? Why do you think that?” most don’t know what to say. Some might retort, “In the garden, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” And while that’s true, how does it help the situation?

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

-Genesis 2:21-25

In the Garden of Eden, God created woman out of man—and when a man and a woman are married, when they “become one flesh,” it pleases God because that is how He made us from the beginning. When a man and a man are together, or a woman and a woman, it is directly defiant to the way God created us to be.

But think of it in terms of ketchup and cantaloupe.

In 1876, Henry J. Heinz created ketchup. And when Henry J. Heinz created ketchup, what do you suppose it was for? It was made to be used as a “table sauce” for hot foods such as hamburgers, fries, sandwiches, hot dogs, French toast, and eggs. (Ketchup is very good on eggs, by the way).

So the creator had a specific purpose for his creation and how it would be used.

But what happens when that creation was used in ways it was not created for?

When my brother and I were little, we mixed ketchup and mustard and dipped cantaloupe in it. It was definitely not a natural taste (it was extremely disgusting, actually), but we eventually grew to like it. In fact, every time we saw cantaloupe on the table, we ran to the fridge for ketchup and mustard.

Ketchup was not invented as a dip for cantaloupe. In fact, if poor Henry J. Heinz knew how I had used his yummy invention, he probably would’ve wrinkled his nose in disgust. In fact, I might even go as far as to say that it would tarnish Heinz’s reputation as a successful businessman if people knew what disgusting concoctions my brother and I made with the ingredient he created.

So.

God created men and woman to glorify Him. That is the purpose of our existence—to glorify our Creator. He created man to go with woman and woman to go with man. And then God’s creation rebelled and decided to use what God had given them in ways that are utterly disgusting. They went against God’s plan and took matters into their own hands. I can guarantee you that God is doing more than wrinkling His nose at the way we have tarnished His reputation as a creator.

The consequence for mixing ketchup, mustard and cantaloupe was a horrendous stomachache.

The consequence for homosexuality is far worse. The wrath of God will fall on those who reject the truth and follow evil. He will repay each person according to what they have done. (Romans 2:5-8)

Henry J. Heniz is dead and can do nothing about the way I have misused his product.

God is most certainly not dead, and He will do something about the way we have misused what He has given us.

An Unexpected Answer

It happened several years ago on a dark, rainy Saturday night.

Lightning was flashing and thunder was booming.

Abby and I stood on our front porch and watched the rain come pouring down, pelting the streets and streaming down from the overflowing gutters. The air was cool and smelled like the storm we were in the midst of. And as we stood there watching the raindrops pounding the ground, we wondered together what the end of the world would be like.

After all, it seemed like the end of the world was nearing. I don't have problems with depression, but with the never-ending rain that blotted out the street lights, the chill in the air, the abandoned streets...well, it WAS rather dismal. With the chilliness of the air came the chilliness of the questions we asked each other, questions to which neither of us had any answers.

I don't remember now the exact words we spoke, but I think our discussion had something to do with God's justice and the tribulation. Questions, questions, questions, but no answers. I think God would have given us the answers through the Bible, or maybe Mom and Dad, had we searched. But we had no time. It was Saturday evening and we had to get to bed. 

In the end, though, God gave us the answers through something completely unexpected.

As you might have guessed *smile*, the next morning was Sunday. At first it seemed like an ordinary day at church. But then our pastor told the congregation that he was going to take two weeks off from preaching in Hebrews and go to a different passage of Scripture. I certainly didn't mind.

In our church, we stand to read the passage of Scripture that Pastor would be speaking on that day. So we stood as Pastor Bob read aloud. I didn't hear anything even remotely shocking.

It wasn't until about five minutes into his sermon that I realized with a jolt that God was speaking through Pastor directly to ME.

As I said before, I don't remember now the exact questions I had been asking myself and Abby about the end times. But what I do remember is that Pastor Bob unknowingly addressed every single question Abby and I had asked each other, and explained very thoroughly the answers to these questions according to the Scripture.

I was stunned.

I kept looking over at Abby to see if she was catching all this. I never caught her gaze, but later she told me that she had been trying to get my attention to see if I had realized just what Pastor was preaching about. As if I could have missed it!!!

God knows what we need before we ask Him.

I have to wonder how many things I would have already received if I would only have asked. God delights in giving to us...but so many times we miss out because we simply overlook the "asking" part.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7, ESV)

Our Heavenly Father loves to give us good things, just like an earthly father delights in showering his little ones with presents. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that we'll get whatever we ask for. That is why my siblings and I have been taught to say, "Lord, if it is YOUR will." Because if it's NOT God's will, then I don't want to be a part of it!

Just before I came on here to finish this post up, I was reading a book called FireStorm, and one of the main characters prayed the following words: "I believe--and I will always believe, no matter what happens--that the eye of my storm will always be smack in the middle of your hand. And there's no place I'd rather be."

I LOVE that. The eye of my storm will always be smack in the middle of my Father's capable, loving hands. And there is truly no place that I, Kaitlyn M. Bergen, would rather be. Lately I have seen over and over again how inadequate I am, but thankfully that bit of knowledge has come right alongside the assurance that for every weakness of mine, God has more than enough strength to carry me through. 

Anyway, that got a little off-subject. Back to asking and receiving, though... James 1 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be giving to him." Well, later on James says this: "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures."

Often when I do remember to ask, it's for the wrong things. God, hurt her since she hurt me! Lord, I'd REALLY like this present for Christmas! God, I want things to go MY way today. Please, don't let Mom call me for help just yet...I want to finish my book first!

My pleasure. My will.

And somehow God loves us! How?

He loved me enough to send me answers, even though I didn't ask for them, even though I didn't pray, even though I didn't cast my cares upon Him. Still, He heard me and blessed me through the way He chose to reveal the answers.

But I'll tell you one thing. Next time I need to call on Him, this will be a reminder to me NOT to hesitate. My loving, all-knowing Creator delights in giving to His children, and if we ask Him to reveal His word to us, He will! Although let me tell you...His answer may not come in a way you'd expect! 

For me it sure didn't!

A Message from the Past

Hello again! [After nearly five months of silence] *embarrassed grin*

Sorry. I didn't mean to be gone so long. I actually had a Christmas post I was planning to bring you -- back around Christmas time. But *ahem* since we're now in May, I shall just leave the Christmasy stuff for next year. If I remember. 

In the first two months of 2015 I was kinda busy (click here if you want to know why), so throughout January and February I had no time to spare. And in March, April and May? Uh, well, I kind of, er...forgot about this blog -- and [unfortunately] my With Eagles' Wings blog too, so you aren't the only ones I've been neglecting.

Moving on.

Guess what I found today?

A message from the past, you say? 

(Whoa, I rhymed! Sounds like the beginning of a poem...)

I found in a notebook of blue and gray

something that I wrote one day.

I must've loved flowers at the time,

because -- oops, that was another rhyme!

Anyways *ahem* I must have loved flowers at the time, because I filled eight pages with my ginormous writing about (ready?) the similarities between (are you sure you're ready?)...Christian life and...flowers. I kind of enjoyed reading it again, because -- this proves that my brain wasn't all fluff back then -- I actually made a few valid points there in my notebook of blue and gray. I think. Okay, so some of it is kind of cliche, but you gotta remember I was a young when I wrote that. 

*Disclaimer - I did alter a few phrases here and there and took out a few sentences that didn't go well with the rest of it.

And now I'll just stop talking and let you be the judge...

~

The seed represents our life growing in Christ. It starts out small, but grows and becomes productive if it is taken care of.

Good soil represents God's word. We cannot grow without sinking our roots into the Bible. A flower in sandy soil will not last very long. It is easy to uproot because it is not firmly planted. If we stay firm in God's word, we will prosper and no one will be able to uproot us!

Sunlight represents our daily experiences. There are bad rays of sunlight and good rays. We learn lessons by everyday experiences...some of these lessons can be good experiences, but others can be bad. [The bad ones] make us want to wilt, just like a flower under the hot sun. The bad-experience lessons come along with the good-experience ones, and we need both kinds to mature into the people God wants us to be. However, when the load seems too heavy to bear...don't fret! God is there to bestow His love and blessings on us....

Rain (or water) represent God's blessings. There are times when it seems that God is pouring down a rainstorm of blessings, yet there are other times when it seems like a drought of hardships has descended on us. Even when tough times seem to be unending, we must realize that God's love is also unending. 

Roots -- As believers, our roots of faith must be anchored deeply in the ground. When storms of worry, trouble or anger come along, we must not be uprooted by them; we must sink our roots of faith into God's soil. We must be prepared for storms, for we undoubtedly will have some. But our faithful, all-knowing Creator knows the storms that come trying to uproot us, and He will steady us with His firm hand.

We view the Garden of Life from the bottom side...all we can see is the crumbly dirt and scrambled roots, and it doesn't make much sense to us. But God can see the Garden from up above -- each one of His colorful, unique flowers -- and He knows exactly where we need to be to make the Garden BEAUTIFUL! So be willing to move when God asks you to. It will make the big picture...well, picture perfect! [that was the cliche part...]

Sometimes it feels as though we're being uprooted and tossed onto the burn pile when God decides to move us. Which brings us to...

Pruning. Yes, we're all a bit frightened by the word "pruning." But again, God is preparing us for the BIGGER picture, the one we'll be able to see from above. If we are willing, God can prune us and make us look whole and beautiful. The thorns of idleness and temptation, the deadness of sin and destruction, the wilting parts can all be cut off to make a new you! The brown, dead, wilting mess can be transformed into a new, pure flower that dazzles the eye!

Consider the lilies of the field; see, they are better dressed than even Solomon and his courts!

Flowers do not question their worth, who they are, or WHERE they are. They bloom for their Creator, not for man. Flowers bloom in rain and in sun; in hard times and in easy times...no matter who is (or isn't) watching or praising them. They glorify their Maker. Flowers bloom in all kinds of places: deserts, meadows, gardens, and even in the sides of cliffs! In beautiful, balmy places, AND in rough, rugged places. Wherever God puts them, that's where they stay and prosper. 

But don't get me wrong...flowers DO die. Some, after dying, spread their seeds so that many new plants are born because of that one death. Our Creator sent His Son, Jesus, to die for us. Because of His death on the cross, many people can have new birth. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and YOU will be saved! 

Just as flowers bloom for their Creator, so we must bloom for ours. God will help us to prosper, and we will begin to bear the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such there is no law.

The Unscrambling of Ephesians 1

Have you ever noticed how the words "He" and "His" are said over 20 times in Ephesians 1...and that, unless you study deeper, you can't really tell the difference between the times when "He" and "His" refer to God and when they refer to Jesus? Well, I had actually never noticed. I guess I always just skimmed over that chapter and never tried to fully understand it. But once you find out which "He"s are talking about God and which are talking about Jesus, it really makes quite a difference in the level of your comprehension.

During family devotions one night, Dad had us go through those verses in Ephesians 1 and figure out which named belonged to every "He" and "His." It was challenging at times, but it was fun...not to mention the fact that we all came away having a better understanding of that first chapter in Paul's letter to Ephesus.

Take a look at verses 7 through 9. "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him." Not all of those "Him"s are meaning "God." At least two are talking about Jesus.

If you want to read Ephesians 1, the way it is written in the Bible (NASB), click here.

And below is Ephesians 1 with the names God and Jesus instead of He and His. Maybe this will help it make sense, or at least stick in your head a little better. *smile*

(If you see God or Jesus not highlighted, it's because the name was already there and was not in the "He" or "His" form. And as you can see, God is highlighted in green, Jesus in orange, and the Holy Spirit in purple, so that they really stand out to you.)

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints who are at Ephesus and who are faithful in Christ Jesus: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as God chose us in Jesus Christ before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before God. In love God predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself [God], according to the kind intention of God's will, to the praise of the glory of God's grace, which God freely bestowed on us in the Beloved [Jesus Christ]. In God we have redemption through Jesus' blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of God's grace which God lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight God made known to us the mystery of God's will, according to God's kind intention which God purposed in Jesus Christ with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the times, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things on the earth. In Jesus Christ also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to God's purpose who works all things after the counsel of God's will, to the end that we who were the first to hope in Christ would be to the praise of God's glory. In Jesus Christ, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation--having also believed, you were sealed in Jesus Christ with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of God's glory. For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of God's calling, what are the riches of the glory of God's inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of God's power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of God's might which God brought about in Christ, when God raised Jesus Christ from the dead and seated Jesus Christ at God's right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And God put all things in subjection under Jesus Christ's feet, and gave Jesus Christ as head over all things to the church, which is Jesus Christ's body, the fullness of God who fills all in all.

Does that make better sense? I know it completely changed the way I read Ephesians!

An Illustration of Salvation

So. Who knows anything about little one-year-old boys?

I do.

At least, I know a little...since I have a little one-year-old brother. Anyways, for those of you who don't know Henry, he's cute, fuzzy (at least his hair is), smart, and can be stubborn at times. Not to mention naughty. But I won't mention it.

Anyways. I was playing a game with him several weeks ago. I was in Mom's room with the light turned off, and he kept shutting the door and "locking" me in. He doesn't know how to open the door himself (and I am certainly not going to teach him how!), so I guess he was rather "locked out" himself. After he pulled the door all the way shut, I would wait for a few seconds, then twist the doorknob so that he could push the door back open again. I would run and hide, and he'd crawl into the room (he can't walk yet) looking for me. As soon as he saw me (or as soon as I jumped out of my hiding place and scared him), he would crawl as fast as he could to the door and shut me in the room again.

Well, eventually he decided to shut us both in Mom's room...and of course he couldn't get out, so I was laughing at him while he pushed and pulled at the door, trying to figure out how on earth to get back to the other side.

As I said before, it was dark in that room, and the only light we could see was coming in from underneath the door...from the hallway.

Just for fun, I decided to tell Henry that if he clapped, the door would magically open. Guess what he did? Or rather, guess what he didn't do? Well, he didn't clap, and that's all there is to it. I kept saying, "Henry, clap and the door will be opened!" But instead, he would crawl away from me and try to open the door himself.

Well, Henry's not the only one around here who can be a bit stubborn. I decided not to let him out of the room until he clapped for me. Don't ask my why I decided this...it's just me, I guess. Anyways, I kept explaining to him how he could open the door, if he would just obey me and clap. I even clapped myself and opened the door to show him how it worked.

He eventually tired of my game, so he crawled off into the dark to play. I laid there for a while, pretending to be dead (this part has nothing to do with the illustration), but Henry didn't seem to be scared. He just laughed at me and pulled my hair. 

Finally he made his way back over to the door and pulled at it again, his Uh-oh's getting shriller. He banged on the floor, knocked on the door, and called for help, but still the door didn't open. [Of course.] Then I came up behind him and said, "Henry, clap!" He did. And I opened the door.

I'm sure the light looked great to him, after having been cooped up in the dark room.

Now, the whole time I was playing this "game" I was thinking about how similar it is with people and God.

We are trapped in sin -- the dark room -- with no way out...that is, no way out on our own. But then God come to us and says, "Believe...simply believe, and I will open the door to eternal life." But we laugh. No, we think. That's too easy. It's just not possible. Things aren't done that way. 'Believe.' Nah! 

And all the while, as we crawl around in the darkness of our sin, as we stumble and fall, as we remained frightened by the shadows in life, God is there, always with us, patiently saying over and over again... "Believe! Simply believe!"

Our stubbornness keep us from obeying. But then, when we are at our wit's end...when we have no where else to turn to...when we finally realize that -- no! -- we can't do it on our own...then we stretch out our hand and say, "I believe! I confess, I was wrong, but now I believe!"

And God opens the door to light.