Every day I do something that I am ashamed of...and I am ashamed of that fact. Every day I do something dumb or hurtful or very un-christ-like. Every day I make mistakes, whether the mistakes are made in front of the whole world (which unfortunately they often are) or in my little bedroom where no one can see.
Sometimes it's just a thought, sometimes it's an action. Sometimes I speak crossly (or yell crossly), or sometimes I just call people rude names in my head. Either way, it is shameful. I am a sinner by nature, and...
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in my that does it.
"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
"So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
{Romans 7:15-25}Hard to comprehend, but once I wrapped my mind around it, it completely summed up what I feel whenever I make a mistake and give in to my sinful nature. And I agree with Paul...THANKS BE TO GOD, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
I have to say, Frank Peretti really scares me, and I don't like reading his books. But he has a point...there really is spiritual warfare going on around us. It's not a cutesy little game of bad guys against good guys. Spiritual warfare is for real. For real. I feel it every day in the contest that is going on around and inside of me...Jesus Christ against Satan, holy against unholy, sinless against sinful, love against hate, beautiful light against grotesque darkness.
And unfortunately I give into sin a lot more often and easily than I do to Jesus.
WHY is it so much easier to just give in to sin? Why, when coming to the light after being so long in the dark, are we so willing to step back into darkness again? Why, after tasting of the beauty and freedom God gives, are we led so easily back to ugliness, decay, and bondage?
I have wrestled with this question, and I still don't have a good answer, beyond the fact that I know it is Satan, our sin natures, and...yeah, and us. We are such stupid, miserable creatures!
Why would we exchange the truth of God for a lie?
How would you like to have something that, instead of being ugly and corrupt, is perfect, sure, right, pure, clean, true and righteous altogether?
Guess what? You can have it!
The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
the statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
{Psalm 19:7-9, emphasis added}And even though I know this, I still forget and fall back into the way of sin that was in me before I became a Christian. And I am ashamed. What I often forget is that when Christ died, He took ALL of my sins upon Him...not just the ones I have already committed, but the ones that I will commit tomorrow, the next day, and the next.
Acts 3:19 says, "Repent, therefore, and return, that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord."
And do you know what? I can do the repentance part pretty well; in fact, I've done it enough times that it should come pretty easy by now (though it definitely doesn't always). But I forget the next two parts:
1). My sin will be wiped out.
2). Times of refreshing will come from the presence of the Lord.
When I first started this post, I had originally planned to share a story about something that had happened in my life that had made me incredibly ashamed of the way I had acted, and how it had opened my eyes to see ways that I needed to change and become more like Christ. Well, that obviously didn't happen, but I may be sharing about that on my other blog, so you may still have a chance to see it. ;)
You may be thinking, "What, you're already to the end of this post? You didn't even finish!"
Nope, I'm not finished. I've come across some verses today that have made me think more deeply on the subject of shame and how Christ can take it all away. I will be back with part 2 and 3...and maybe 4...who knows?!
Before I go, may I ask you a favor?
I wish to be held accountable to my readers for all I write here. Questions, answers, verses, thoughts, and pieces of insight are all very welcome! If you have a problem with what I wrote, or if you have questions, don't hesitate to comment! If I share a verse that is out of context, please tell me! The main thing that has kept me from starting a blog like this is that I'm afraid that if I make a mistake, someone might start believing something that is not true. Also, sometimes when I'm writing in a frenzy of excitement, trying to get every word in my head down on paper, I don't think long enough about the way it will sound to YOU when you read it, and sometimes it comes out all wrong. So, if you ever see this happening, hold me accountable! I don't want to accidentally post something that will hinder someone in their walk with Christ or cause them to doubt. Thank you!
"...but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord."
-1 Corinthians 15:57-58
