Throughout the past few months, the Lord has been bringing various thoughts, verses, and songs to my mind that have comforted and convicted me, so I thought I would share some of them with you.
Here are a few samples from my journal:
Where does my security lie? In my love for God, or in His love for me?
---
I wonder if the reason that some people do not believe in the security of salvation is because they do not believe that God created the world.
If they do not trust in God's ability to create the world and then sustain it, why would they trust in the Spirit's ability to initiate a relationship and sustain that?
---
This is my purpose in life:
"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." (1 Peter 2:9)
I also love how that verse says that we are God's possession -- God does not NEED us, but He chose us anyway. I love that about Him! For my part, I want to find my worth + identity in being His chosen possession!
---
"From the end of the earth I call to
You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher
than I...
Let me take refuge in the shelter of
Your wings."
-Psalm 61:2,4
..............
O safe to the Rock that is higher than I,
My soul in its conflicts and sorrows would fly;
So sinful, so weary -- Thine, Thine would I be;
Thou blest Rock of Ages, I'm hiding in Thee.
In the calm of the noontide, in sorrow's lone hour,
In times when temptation casts o'er me it's power;
In the tempest of life, on its wide, heaving sea,
Thou blest Rock of Ages, I'm hiding in Thee.
How oft in the conflict, when pressed by the foe,
I have fled to my Refuge and breathed out my woe;
How often, when trials like sea billows roll,
Have I hidden in Thee, O Thou Rock of my soul.
..............
Be still my soul: the wind and waves still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Friday, February 24, 2017
Contentment + Yearning
As
believers living in a sinful world, we must learn two things: proper
contentment and proper yearning. These two ideas—contentment and yearning—seem
to disagree with each other. How can one be content with his lot in life while
he is yearning for something more? Yet this is what we must do!
Our yearning
must be for God alone. Jesus longed to be reunited with His Father, for the
earth was not His home. What is my desire? Do I yearn to enter the presence of
my Savior? Are my thoughts centered around the eternity that I will spend with
the Father? One day I will enter His
presence and see the glory of the Godhead—but until then, what shall I do?
Shall I while away the remaining hours by gazing out my window and wondering
why God is taking so long to call me into His presence? Absolutely not!
That is
where contentment comes in. Jesus prayed, “I do not ask You to take them out of
the world, but to keep them from the evil one” (John 17:15). No, the world is
not my home! But it is where God has
placed me for the time being so that I can bring honor and glory to Him. I must
be content to live the life of holiness He has called me to until He chooses
to take me to my eternal home. So then, I must learn to yearn for God’s
presence, but to find contentment in knowing and serving God in this world.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
What is it to You?
After Jesus had risen from the grave, He appeared to Peter, John, and five other disciples at the Sea of Galilee, and there He had a very important conversation with Peter. Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him, and Peter said yes. Jesus explained that Peter's willingness to love and follow Him would eventually cost him his life, and then He said two words that can make even the most courageous person tremble: "Follow Me." Peter looked over at John, another disciple, and asked Jesus, "What about him?"
Jesus' response was simple: "If I want him [John] to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!" (John 21:22, emphasis mine).
Those eight words -- "What is that to you? You follow Me" -- have been ringing in my ears and echoing in my heart ever since I read them a week ago. Is there a believer in the world who does not need this message? We are so easily distracted by the people around us. We compare ourselves, we judge others in self-righteousness, we puff ourselves up -- and yet, what is all that to us?
Those eight words -- "What is that to you? You follow Me" -- sum up the cost of discipleship. Like Jesus, we are to keep our eyes on the joy set before us. We are to love others as He loved. We are to be servants, even if our obedience costs us our lives. It is a difficult task, to be sure, but our Savior, our Redeemer, our Creator has already won the victory over sin and death! We can go forward with the knowledge that He will supply us with the grace we need to complete the tasks He has set out for us.
Throughout the past week, I have heard the still, small voice speaking John 21:22 to my heart. When my feathers get ruffled at a rude, thoughtless remark--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I am tempted to stumble at the actions of another believer--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I experience hurt at the hands of a friend or foe--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I am afraid or flustered about a future event--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When voices grate on me and actions irritate me--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I experience trials or undergo bouts of "spiritual dryness"--
"What is it to you?"
Before all else, I must concern myself with this alone: "YOU follow Me."
Jesus' response was simple: "If I want him [John] to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!" (John 21:22, emphasis mine).
Those eight words -- "What is that to you? You follow Me" -- have been ringing in my ears and echoing in my heart ever since I read them a week ago. Is there a believer in the world who does not need this message? We are so easily distracted by the people around us. We compare ourselves, we judge others in self-righteousness, we puff ourselves up -- and yet, what is all that to us?
Those eight words -- "What is that to you? You follow Me" -- sum up the cost of discipleship. Like Jesus, we are to keep our eyes on the joy set before us. We are to love others as He loved. We are to be servants, even if our obedience costs us our lives. It is a difficult task, to be sure, but our Savior, our Redeemer, our Creator has already won the victory over sin and death! We can go forward with the knowledge that He will supply us with the grace we need to complete the tasks He has set out for us.
Throughout the past week, I have heard the still, small voice speaking John 21:22 to my heart. When my feathers get ruffled at a rude, thoughtless remark--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I am tempted to stumble at the actions of another believer--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I experience hurt at the hands of a friend or foe--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I am afraid or flustered about a future event--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When voices grate on me and actions irritate me--
"Never mind that. What is it to you?"
When I experience trials or undergo bouts of "spiritual dryness"--
"What is it to you?"
Before all else, I must concern myself with this alone: "YOU follow Me."
Pruning: "Though He Slay Me, Yet I Will Trust Him"
"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit... Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned." -John 15:1-2,4-6
One
thing that makes it difficult for nonbelievers to acknowledge their need for a
Savior is found within this passage of John: dependence. We are nothing apart from Christ—believers and
nonbelievers alike! We cannot bring forth the fruits of
righteousness that God desires if we are not rooted and grounded in the Son.
Salvation is all about our dependence upon God. There is nothing we can do that
will earn us the right to enter into His presence. Our efforts to please God
are feeble at best. We are completely dependent on His outstretched love and
mercy, and unless we humbly recognize our desperate need, we will be sentenced
to an eternity of separation from God.
However, since I have already accepted
the blood of Christ as the atonement for my sin, does Jesus’ lesson have
anything to do with me? Absolutely! The Father is the vinedresser who cuts away
the dead branches (nonbelievers)—but He is also the vinedresser who prunes the
good branches in order to prepare the way for more abundant fruit! Does a plant
protest against the pruning of its gardener? No, of course not. Neither should
I grouse and grumble when I undergo the pain that pruning brings.
What happens
to the pieces that are pruned from me? They die, because they are no longer
connected to the life-giving vine. Am I willing to give myself completely into
the hands of God so that He can take and slay the pieces of me—my desires, my
hopes, my plans, my purposes—that are hindering my growth in Him? May my answer
be a quiet, trusting “Yes, Lord—not my will, but Thine”!
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
God's Sanctuary
When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works. (Psalm 73:21-28)
At the beginning of Psalm 73, the psalmist says about himself, "My feet came close to stumbling, my steps had almost slipped." Why? "For I was envious of the arrogant as I saw the prosperity of the wicked." He had an unrighteous anger against the wicked and, it seems, began to to desire what they had even as he protested against it!
He became bitter and confused -- "senseless and ignorant," "like a beast" before God. That is what bitterness does...it blinds and deceives us until we are as beasts -- ugly, stupid animals who have not the presence of mind to come before God.
But nevertheless! Nevertheless -- in spite of the psalmist's own senselessness and pride -- God had his right hand firmly in His grip. "Nevertheless I am continually with You," he writes.
This brings to my mind a picture of a busy parking lot, in which my father and my three-year-old self are walking. He holds my hand. I see other three-year-olds skipping ahead of their fathers and mothers, unrestrained, and no harm seems to come to them. In anger and embarrassment and pride, I twist and squirm in a weak attempt to break loose from my father's warm grip. He doesn't let go. I cross my arms (as best as I can while holding his hand), scowl, and stomp my foot. Bitterness begins to take root. When my heart become upset, my actions were senseless and ignorant in my father's eyes -- and, years later, in my own when I understood the danger of a child running free in a busy parking lot. But in spite of my unruly resistance, my father did not push me away from him; he brought me closer. He took hold of my hand and made sure that I was continually with him, because he loved me.
"With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory."
How necessary is the Lord's counsel to His children! And how undeserved is His goodness and mercy, that He would receive me, His oft-confused and bitter child, and say, "I will keep you safe; you will walk beside Me; I will be your guide -- only receive My counsel! And I will receive you to glory! See, all these things I will do for My child whom I love."
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail" -- and oh, how often they have already! -- "but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Hallelujah!
But here a question must be asked. The psalmist was "envious of the arrogant" and "his heart was embittered" until he was "senseless and ignorant". How then did he arrive at "I desire nothing on earth besides You"?
I believe that the answer can be found in verses 16 and 17, and 27 and 28. "When I pondered to understand this [the prosperity of the wicked], it was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God; then I perceived their end... For behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works."
The sanctuary of God -- the nearness of God.
How shall we grow in love if we try to live apart from our God? How shall I learn to "trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding" if I am not growing in His wisdom and understanding? How can we separate the clamor of the world from the still small voice of the Holy Spirit when we are not drawing near to Him?
God does His part perfectly -- holding us in His strong hand, remaining continually with us, disciplining us when we stray -- but we too have a part. We must come into His sanctuary; we must embrace His nearness as our good; we must make Him, and Him alone, our refuge.
Why?
Here is at least one reason: "That I may tell of all Your works."
We try to make salvation and our walk with the Lord all about us, but this should not be! May GOD be glorified through our union! May GOD'S great works be praised, and none of mine! Let us come into God's presence -- His sanctuary! -- desiring to lift Him up and make Him our only focus! May we run the race before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, throwing aside the world and opening our arms to Him alone!
At the beginning of Psalm 73, the psalmist says about himself, "My feet came close to stumbling, my steps had almost slipped." Why? "For I was envious of the arrogant as I saw the prosperity of the wicked." He had an unrighteous anger against the wicked and, it seems, began to to desire what they had even as he protested against it!
He became bitter and confused -- "senseless and ignorant," "like a beast" before God. That is what bitterness does...it blinds and deceives us until we are as beasts -- ugly, stupid animals who have not the presence of mind to come before God.
But nevertheless! Nevertheless -- in spite of the psalmist's own senselessness and pride -- God had his right hand firmly in His grip. "Nevertheless I am continually with You," he writes.
This brings to my mind a picture of a busy parking lot, in which my father and my three-year-old self are walking. He holds my hand. I see other three-year-olds skipping ahead of their fathers and mothers, unrestrained, and no harm seems to come to them. In anger and embarrassment and pride, I twist and squirm in a weak attempt to break loose from my father's warm grip. He doesn't let go. I cross my arms (as best as I can while holding his hand), scowl, and stomp my foot. Bitterness begins to take root. When my heart become upset, my actions were senseless and ignorant in my father's eyes -- and, years later, in my own when I understood the danger of a child running free in a busy parking lot. But in spite of my unruly resistance, my father did not push me away from him; he brought me closer. He took hold of my hand and made sure that I was continually with him, because he loved me.
"With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory."
How necessary is the Lord's counsel to His children! And how undeserved is His goodness and mercy, that He would receive me, His oft-confused and bitter child, and say, "I will keep you safe; you will walk beside Me; I will be your guide -- only receive My counsel! And I will receive you to glory! See, all these things I will do for My child whom I love."
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail" -- and oh, how often they have already! -- "but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Hallelujah!
But here a question must be asked. The psalmist was "envious of the arrogant" and "his heart was embittered" until he was "senseless and ignorant". How then did he arrive at "I desire nothing on earth besides You"?
I believe that the answer can be found in verses 16 and 17, and 27 and 28. "When I pondered to understand this [the prosperity of the wicked], it was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God; then I perceived their end... For behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works."
The sanctuary of God -- the nearness of God.
How shall we grow in love if we try to live apart from our God? How shall I learn to "trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding" if I am not growing in His wisdom and understanding? How can we separate the clamor of the world from the still small voice of the Holy Spirit when we are not drawing near to Him?
God does His part perfectly -- holding us in His strong hand, remaining continually with us, disciplining us when we stray -- but we too have a part. We must come into His sanctuary; we must embrace His nearness as our good; we must make Him, and Him alone, our refuge.
Why?
Here is at least one reason: "That I may tell of all Your works."
We try to make salvation and our walk with the Lord all about us, but this should not be! May GOD be glorified through our union! May GOD'S great works be praised, and none of mine! Let us come into God's presence -- His sanctuary! -- desiring to lift Him up and make Him our only focus! May we run the race before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, throwing aside the world and opening our arms to Him alone!
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
The Danger of the Crutch
You know, in the past few months, I have been convicted over and over again how much I need Jesus. I have begun to wonder how on earth people get along without Him.
Some people say, "Oh, religion is just a crutch. Christianity is just a crutch. JESUS is just a crutch."
If anyone ever says this to me again, I think I'll ask them this question: "So, what IS a crutch anyway?"
A crutch is a tool that is separate from our bodies. We use it when we are hurting and can't walk by ourselves. We use it for a period of time -- sometimes a month or two, sometimes longer -- and then when we have "graduated" to walking by ourselves, we put the crutch away in a dark, dusty closet corner and forget that it ever existed...unless, of course, the day comes when we need it again. But we would rather leave it in that dark corner if at all possible.
Is Christianity a crutch for you? Is it something that is not usually part of your lifestyle unless there is no other option? Is it something that you pull out of a dark corner, dust off, and use for a short period of time until you can "safely" put it back away out of sight?
Is Jesus a crutch for you? Do you use Him only when it is to your advantage (i.e., on Sunday morning when you are supposed to look like a Christian)? Do you pull Him out only when you're hurting and need some Divine help for a little while until you're back on your own two feet? Are you working towards a day when you will finally "graduate" from needing Him? Is He something you are ashamed of, something that you want to hide because He shows your weaknesses? Is He something that is in your way, that you can't wait to be rid of?
If Jesus Christ is your crutch, my dear friend, then perhaps you do not know Him. Perhaps He is not really "yours." Perhaps (do I dare even say it?) you don't understand the message of salvation.
When you say that you are saved, what are you believing you are saved from? Hell? To most people, that is what salvation means..."If I pray and ask Jesus to come into my heart, then I won't go to hell. I'm saved from pain and death."
It is true that Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God, bore the wrath of His Father on the cross and took the punishment of every believer on Himself -- and that one of the results of His sacrifice is that we will not have to spend eternity in hell, separated from God. Yes, what a beautiful, terrifying truth!
But your motivation is misplaced if you come to Jesus asking only for salvation from pain and death, and if you are under no conviction of the terrible sins you've committed against God, the very sins that sent Jesus Christ to the cross!
And?
And He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, SO THAT we might die to sin and live to righteousness!
Enough with the crutch! Enough with the dark, dusty closet! Enough!
Jesus died to glorify God; we are saved to glorify God!
What a tremendous work He has done! He has redeemed the Believer's life! He has justified them, called them out of darkness, given them a reason to hope and a purpose to live! Jesus Christ is our substitute -- He has ransomed us with His own blood! What a precious gift!
When God offered this gift to me and I accepted it, what did I receive? A crutch?! No! I received new life in Christ -- behold, I am a new creature!
When I finally understood that I needed Christ, did He become a temporary sacrifice for me until I could pull up my bootstraps enough to walk on alone? No, never! Nothing I am now or ever will be in the future has anything to do with what I have done (or will do!), but what Christ has done in and through me! "Walk on alone"?! What pride, what arrogance must blind my heart whenever I dare to think such a thing!
I have been justified! Not only has God "wiped the slate clean" of all my past deeds and thoughts, of all of my works that were as filthy rags, but He has written a new story on it! Christ's story! Justified: "Just as if I'd never sinned and just as if I'd always obeyed." Christ took on my sin and gave me His righteousness, as though I had always lived just as He Himself lived!
A crutch, brothers and sisters?
No. A Lover, a King, a High Priest, a Sacrifice, a Creator, a Saviour. A new lifestyle, my friends!
Some people say, "Oh, religion is just a crutch. Christianity is just a crutch. JESUS is just a crutch."
If anyone ever says this to me again, I think I'll ask them this question: "So, what IS a crutch anyway?"
A crutch is a tool that is separate from our bodies. We use it when we are hurting and can't walk by ourselves. We use it for a period of time -- sometimes a month or two, sometimes longer -- and then when we have "graduated" to walking by ourselves, we put the crutch away in a dark, dusty closet corner and forget that it ever existed...unless, of course, the day comes when we need it again. But we would rather leave it in that dark corner if at all possible.
Is Christianity a crutch for you? Is it something that is not usually part of your lifestyle unless there is no other option? Is it something that you pull out of a dark corner, dust off, and use for a short period of time until you can "safely" put it back away out of sight?
Is Jesus a crutch for you? Do you use Him only when it is to your advantage (i.e., on Sunday morning when you are supposed to look like a Christian)? Do you pull Him out only when you're hurting and need some Divine help for a little while until you're back on your own two feet? Are you working towards a day when you will finally "graduate" from needing Him? Is He something you are ashamed of, something that you want to hide because He shows your weaknesses? Is He something that is in your way, that you can't wait to be rid of?
If Jesus Christ is your crutch, my dear friend, then perhaps you do not know Him. Perhaps He is not really "yours." Perhaps (do I dare even say it?) you don't understand the message of salvation.
When you say that you are saved, what are you believing you are saved from? Hell? To most people, that is what salvation means..."If I pray and ask Jesus to come into my heart, then I won't go to hell. I'm saved from pain and death."
It is true that Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God, bore the wrath of His Father on the cross and took the punishment of every believer on Himself -- and that one of the results of His sacrifice is that we will not have to spend eternity in hell, separated from God. Yes, what a beautiful, terrifying truth!
But your motivation is misplaced if you come to Jesus asking only for salvation from pain and death, and if you are under no conviction of the terrible sins you've committed against God, the very sins that sent Jesus Christ to the cross!
For you [believers] have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. (1 Peter 2:21-24)Jesus went through the agony of the cross for a bigger purpose than most of us realize: to bring glory to His Father! Jesus Himself said, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work." Accomplishing God's work is what brought Him strength; obedience to His Father's will is the very reason He came to earth to die! Yes, He loves us! But He didn't die just to save us, He died because He loved His Father.
And?
And He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, SO THAT we might die to sin and live to righteousness!
Enough with the crutch! Enough with the dark, dusty closet! Enough!
Jesus died to glorify God; we are saved to glorify God!
What a tremendous work He has done! He has redeemed the Believer's life! He has justified them, called them out of darkness, given them a reason to hope and a purpose to live! Jesus Christ is our substitute -- He has ransomed us with His own blood! What a precious gift!
When God offered this gift to me and I accepted it, what did I receive? A crutch?! No! I received new life in Christ -- behold, I am a new creature!
When I finally understood that I needed Christ, did He become a temporary sacrifice for me until I could pull up my bootstraps enough to walk on alone? No, never! Nothing I am now or ever will be in the future has anything to do with what I have done (or will do!), but what Christ has done in and through me! "Walk on alone"?! What pride, what arrogance must blind my heart whenever I dare to think such a thing!
I have been justified! Not only has God "wiped the slate clean" of all my past deeds and thoughts, of all of my works that were as filthy rags, but He has written a new story on it! Christ's story! Justified: "Just as if I'd never sinned and just as if I'd always obeyed." Christ took on my sin and gave me His righteousness, as though I had always lived just as He Himself lived!
He [God] made Him [Jesus] who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:21)In Christ, we are a new creation. In Christ, we have His righteousness, and this is how God sees us. In Christ, we have forgiveness of sins. In Christ, we have a purpose: to glorify the God who chose us before the foundation of the world that we might be holy and blameless before Him.
A crutch, brothers and sisters?
No. A Lover, a King, a High Priest, a Sacrifice, a Creator, a Saviour. A new lifestyle, my friends!
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Why the Boy Threw the Clock Out the Window
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
So he could see time fly!
Well, my friends, I do not have to throw my clock out the window to see time fly...it is already flying by far too fast as it is. I was astonished this morning when I realized that it has been six whole months since I first set foot in Zambia, Africa on a one-month-long missions trip.
Six months.
Sometimes it seems like six years, and other times it seems like yesterday.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about this strange, special place that has so occupied my mind, and the wonderful, beautiful people who have so occupied my very heart.
The day I arrived home, my thoughts were so full of Africa that I could not sleep without dreaming Zambia, could not speak without telling about Zambia, could not eat without recalling the Zambian food that had sustained me for a whole month, could not think without remembering Zambia, could not even walk down the street without seeing something that brought back memories of Zambia like a flash. Every taste, every sight, every smell, every sound startled me, either because of its similarity to my beautiful Zambia or because of its stark opposition.
I welcomed the memories. I held on to the dreams.
I thought, "Soon the day will come when you won't think about Zambia every waking hour, so enjoy it while you can." Well, "that day" still hasn't arrived. I still think of Zambia every day, although thankfully with a little less intensity than in the beginning.
When I was preparing to go to Zambia, so completely unaware of what my future held there, I thought, "When a place really grabs ahold of someone's heart, sometimes after they return they'll sob uncontrollably into their pillows at night because of their longing to be back in that special place. I wonder if I'll be like that."
You'd think. At least, you would if you knew how emotional I can be.
I was wrong. After I returned, I would clutch at my pillow, wishing I could tear it to shreds or punch it or throw it through the window, because I couldn't cry even when I tried to make myself. I wondered why. I still do. Only now I know, as I could not have guessed before I went to Zambia, that my desire to cry, the steady ache in my heart, the overwhelming parade of thoughts that came every single day and night...now I know that these did not come because of the beautiful, special place I was in. I was not longing for the scrubby trees or the red dirt or even the vast display of stars that shone overhead each night.
I was longing for the people.
In Zambia, a very wise person told me this: "It's not the places you go, it's the people you're with."
I can't think of a single thing in that statement that I could possibly argue with in this case.
Sure, I miss the scenery. Sure, I miss the beautiful stars. Okay, and sure, I even miss the pet cat that sat outside of my cabin door and squalled at me. I could cry for those things. (Well, maybe not for the cat...)
It is the relationships, the new friends, the new family that God gave to me. Somehow I had never realized that after meeting all of these people, after blessing them and being so blessed in return, that a day would come when I would have to say goodbye.
It is the prayers, the tears, and the laughter that tug at my heartstrings. It is the spiritual conversations, the lively debates, the beautiful fellowship, the singing and dancing that make me so happy, and yet so full of longing. It is the joy I saw written on so many faces, the chorus of "Amen, and praise the Lord!" that spilled from their lips, the eagerness of young men and women to share the gospel that both inspires me and causes me to miss these people very deeply.
I was so convicted, so challenged, so broken by God there. I was uplifted and renewed. I was changed. I was taught a great many things that, without this trip to Zambia, would have likely taken years to learn in some other not-so-challenge-ridden environment.
I am so blessed.
The pain of being separated from the Africans and the American missionaries I met there is bittersweet, my friends. Bittersweet. There is pain, yes. There are moments of "I-wish-I-could-just-let-it-all-out," yes. But in the midst of those moments, there is yet a Hallelujah chorus playing in my ears.
Without my Lord and Savior, my life would only have the bitter and none of the sweet. Without bitter, there is no sweet. My life is richer having spent one month serving in Africa -- if only I could explain to you how much richer! And my life after serving in Africa has been richer and fuller than I would have thought possible the day I stepped back into the United States of America. Since I have returned, God has presented to me opportunities to make His name -- and His glorious salvation! -- known to others, opportunities that I can clearly see that He prepared ME for while I was in Zambia.
Even as I think of my dear brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who are in Africa and am filled with the desire to return there someday, I know full well that I am blessed in my pain. To be filled with such good memories -- so good that my heart still aches when I think of them -- is a blessing indeed.
Many of the Psalmists who begin their songs with lamentation and cries to the Lord for help will often conclude with a praise to the Lord. From their sorrow and anger they will do an about-face, sometimes so abruptly that it is almost startling, and begin to bless the Lord for His lovingkindness and faithfulness in the midst of their hurting.
As I close here, I want you to know that I am doing the same in my heart. I began with a measure of confusion and frustration, but it is with gladness that I think of what God has done through my trip to Africa and what He is doing still.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Praise the Lord!
So he could see time fly!
Well, my friends, I do not have to throw my clock out the window to see time fly...it is already flying by far too fast as it is. I was astonished this morning when I realized that it has been six whole months since I first set foot in Zambia, Africa on a one-month-long missions trip.
Six months.
Sometimes it seems like six years, and other times it seems like yesterday.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about this strange, special place that has so occupied my mind, and the wonderful, beautiful people who have so occupied my very heart.
The day I arrived home, my thoughts were so full of Africa that I could not sleep without dreaming Zambia, could not speak without telling about Zambia, could not eat without recalling the Zambian food that had sustained me for a whole month, could not think without remembering Zambia, could not even walk down the street without seeing something that brought back memories of Zambia like a flash. Every taste, every sight, every smell, every sound startled me, either because of its similarity to my beautiful Zambia or because of its stark opposition.
I welcomed the memories. I held on to the dreams.
I thought, "Soon the day will come when you won't think about Zambia every waking hour, so enjoy it while you can." Well, "that day" still hasn't arrived. I still think of Zambia every day, although thankfully with a little less intensity than in the beginning.
When I was preparing to go to Zambia, so completely unaware of what my future held there, I thought, "When a place really grabs ahold of someone's heart, sometimes after they return they'll sob uncontrollably into their pillows at night because of their longing to be back in that special place. I wonder if I'll be like that."
You'd think. At least, you would if you knew how emotional I can be.
I was wrong. After I returned, I would clutch at my pillow, wishing I could tear it to shreds or punch it or throw it through the window, because I couldn't cry even when I tried to make myself. I wondered why. I still do. Only now I know, as I could not have guessed before I went to Zambia, that my desire to cry, the steady ache in my heart, the overwhelming parade of thoughts that came every single day and night...now I know that these did not come because of the beautiful, special place I was in. I was not longing for the scrubby trees or the red dirt or even the vast display of stars that shone overhead each night.
I was longing for the people.
In Zambia, a very wise person told me this: "It's not the places you go, it's the people you're with."
I can't think of a single thing in that statement that I could possibly argue with in this case.
Sure, I miss the scenery. Sure, I miss the beautiful stars. Okay, and sure, I even miss the pet cat that sat outside of my cabin door and squalled at me. I could cry for those things. (Well, maybe not for the cat...)
It is the relationships, the new friends, the new family that God gave to me. Somehow I had never realized that after meeting all of these people, after blessing them and being so blessed in return, that a day would come when I would have to say goodbye.
It is the prayers, the tears, and the laughter that tug at my heartstrings. It is the spiritual conversations, the lively debates, the beautiful fellowship, the singing and dancing that make me so happy, and yet so full of longing. It is the joy I saw written on so many faces, the chorus of "Amen, and praise the Lord!" that spilled from their lips, the eagerness of young men and women to share the gospel that both inspires me and causes me to miss these people very deeply.
I was so convicted, so challenged, so broken by God there. I was uplifted and renewed. I was changed. I was taught a great many things that, without this trip to Zambia, would have likely taken years to learn in some other not-so-challenge-ridden environment.
I am so blessed.
The pain of being separated from the Africans and the American missionaries I met there is bittersweet, my friends. Bittersweet. There is pain, yes. There are moments of "I-wish-I-could-just-let-it-all-out," yes. But in the midst of those moments, there is yet a Hallelujah chorus playing in my ears.
Without my Lord and Savior, my life would only have the bitter and none of the sweet. Without bitter, there is no sweet. My life is richer having spent one month serving in Africa -- if only I could explain to you how much richer! And my life after serving in Africa has been richer and fuller than I would have thought possible the day I stepped back into the United States of America. Since I have returned, God has presented to me opportunities to make His name -- and His glorious salvation! -- known to others, opportunities that I can clearly see that He prepared ME for while I was in Zambia.
Even as I think of my dear brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who are in Africa and am filled with the desire to return there someday, I know full well that I am blessed in my pain. To be filled with such good memories -- so good that my heart still aches when I think of them -- is a blessing indeed.
Many of the Psalmists who begin their songs with lamentation and cries to the Lord for help will often conclude with a praise to the Lord. From their sorrow and anger they will do an about-face, sometimes so abruptly that it is almost startling, and begin to bless the Lord for His lovingkindness and faithfulness in the midst of their hurting.
As I close here, I want you to know that I am doing the same in my heart. I began with a measure of confusion and frustration, but it is with gladness that I think of what God has done through my trip to Africa and what He is doing still.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Praise the Lord!
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